Sea God Statue by Dimitar Nikolov

Once upon a time Poseidon was sitting on his throne and watching the sea lick the shore, when he noticed a dark green plant with four plump red berries pushing up through the sand: the first beach strawberry. He’d been working away in his underwater gardens trying to achieve a similar delicacy. He caught the next wave to the beach where, looking closely, he had to admire the artist’s work. He started to wonder what else Demeter had been up to recently.

But, Poseidon’s curiosity didn’t stop there. As he contemplated his sister’s profound ability to master procreation, he also began to wonder what she personally did with that knowledge. And the Sea God had quite an imagination. Suddenly he thought it was about time for a little reunion. Picking off two of the berries, Poseidon quietly contemplated where his sister might be, before heading inland.

Demeter was staring vacantly in the general direction of a couple of alpaca she’d been working with. She’d created them independently and spent the last few days attempting to get them to breed, to no avail. She had no problem eliciting the appropriate genetic material, but the adorable beasts seemed invested in moving away from each other at exactly the right/wrong times. And no matter what she did there seemed to be now way to get it into the female’s head that she should not be ‚on top‘.

„Mammals,“ Demeter thought, noting a bumble bee happily pollinating a sunflower „were the only creatures who could turn procreation into a chore“. 

Across the field, she heard the brief rustle of the wisteria that acted as both archway and garden gate. She looked up and was surprised to see her brother, Poseidon, surfing over the tall grass toward her, his rash guard, depicting Odin and a couple Ravens, tight across his chest. The tattoo on his lower left arm depicted an entrancing mermaid pole dancing around a staff.

„Hello, Brother,“ Demeter began to sigh, then noticed and brought her voice up at the end, making it sound like a squeaky gasp. 

„Cute little animals you’ve created,“ Poseidon responded, pointing at the alpaca nonchalantly chewing on tall grass. „I always admire your work,“ with that he presented her with the strawberries. „These,“ he added, „are magnificent. I would expect nothing less of you.“

„Yes,“ she muttered, still lost in thought about the mama procreation issue, „thank me for bees.“

That’s it! she thought, what I need is a pollinator for mammals: a third party conveyor of genetic material. Then they can breed no matter how obnoxious and uncooperative they are! Or maybe they could just flood the area, like salmon! Or create removable parts, like the octopus!

„Right now,“ Demeter joyfully exclaimed, „I’m rather thinking you’re the brilliant one. You have inspired me!“ and with that she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his head, however, and surprised her with a full on smooch. 

„Uhhh. . .  That wasn’t really in my gameplan,“ Demeter remarked.

„It could be,“ Poseidon replied seductively.

„To be honest,“ she admitted, pulling her arms around her, „I’m a little intrigued, as it has been a while, but I’m also a bit concerned. I have to admit that the reproductive preferences of some of your creatures, like, say, the salmon, the seahorse, or the octopus, don’t really excite me. I mean it would be fine to give that kind of fate to them,“ she extolled, gesturing at the alpaca, „we all need a little entertainment, but I would like something a little more rewarding and less, well, painful and weird.“

„A extra fin fell off my workshop wall and landed on my prototype seal’s privates.“ Poseidon countered. „I became, well, alternatively-reproductive curious.“ 

„I also made the dolphin,“ he added. „Look!“ and with that he whisked away.

Minutes later, Poseidon returned, a full-sized dolphin cuddling up to him as he cradled her gently in his enormous arms. He offered the pet to Demeter.

„That’s very sweet, Poseidon,“ she remarked, „but I really have no where to put her,“ she added, scrubbing the cooing dolphin’s head. „She is sweet, though . . . „

And once again Poseidon was gone.

A few minutes later he returned, this time hauling a sea lion over his right shoulder. The creature was combing the Sea God’s long hair with her tusks. She waved her tail when she saw Demeter, who was delighted.  

„This beautiful cow one told me, while sunbathing, that she wanted to see the world. You have it right here in your garden.“ and with that he held out the enormous creature.

„She’s lovely, Poseidon!,“ Demeter responded, „but I’m afraid I really can’t do much with a sea mammal. Which brings me to another point. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, we are profoundly good at procreation. And, while I’m happy to have another child, I have to wonder how that would turn out. I’m bound to the land and you to the sea. I’m not so sure it’s a good idea to bring about a creature who is of both land and water.“

And with that, he was gone.

After a few minutes, Demeter returned to a multitude of futile attempts to erotically inspire the alpaca until the light turned gold and the sky put on it’s best purples and oranges.

The next morning, Demeter rose early, well rested and satisfied, the primary alpaca contentedly expectant. She was enjoying a nice cup of tea on her gazebo when, running across her garden, she spied a creature unlike anything she had seen before. It was huge and white and moved in a smooth arc, much like the pounding of waves. It even sounded a little like them. 

At first, she was engrossed in the beauty of the foreign creature, but when it kept approaching with a speed unlike anything she’d seen before, she grabbed her tea and ran to safer ground. It followed, swiftly overtaking her, then stopping abruptly and immediately began to rub it’s cheek against hers. Heart still racing, she returned the full-facial hug. 

Soon her brother appeared, looking sexy and proud, in a bright pink tank, a flattering image of his sister tattooed on his forearm. He shook his fist three times, as if to play roshambo. On the third shake, his trident penetrated the ground, filling the air with the combined scents of fresh air, sea water and deep, fertile, earth. Immediately, the creature bent towards his creator, who scratched its ears and, holding it’s huge jaws, put it’s forehead to his own. The stallion neighed. 

“Well”, Demeter remarked, “I guess water and earth can make something more appealing than mud . . . But,” she added, “I want a girl. And, as long as we’re getting weird, I’ve always been secretly curios about the erotic lives of the Erinyes”. And, with that, she took his arm and the two departed. 

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